Does me taking a semester off of school make me a loser??? Because I don't think so. I think I made the right decision. And it's not like it was a quick, drastic decision--I talked to my mom about it. I mean, we actually talked about it. And even before we talked about it, I'd been thinking about it to myself since winter break.

I understand that it all goes by so much faster if you just keep going--go to high school, go to college, go to grad school--and BAM! You got what they call a successful life. Now I want to be successful, and I know that going to college and gettin' myself an education will help me achieve that, but I just felt like taking a semester off would help me sort things out...get my thoughts straight...get it together, you know? Because Lord knows, I do not have it together. My life issues are over here, over there, drama to my left, anxiety on my right, misery all around...I don't think it's right when people ask me, "what have you been up to? what are you doing with your life now?" and my fuckin', pathetic answer is, "I don't know." I should know. I thought I knew...but it all changed.

I had my mind set on becoming an Interior Designer. But over time I just realized I had to think more realistically. I could pursue that dream of becoming an Interior Designer, but it would be a very hard, draining, competitive, struggle that I don't think I'd really be able to handle. Then I thought about majoring in Elementary Education. Then I thought about the corporate world. Then I thought about computer technology. Then I thought about screwing it all and just majoring in what'll make my parents happy--Nursing. That's when I knew I needed help!

I noticed that I was less focused on my actual school work, and so stressed out about what to major in and more focused on...everything else that was going on around me. I worried about my mom and the rest of my family most of the time...and then keeping in touch with my friends...and then having to adjust living with my boyfriend. There was also work and having to think about money...it was just too much...so I went back home, told my parents all the crazy thoughts that were running through my head...I basically admitted all my mistakes.

So I had about a few weeks left to register for the spring semester and I passed up on it. But of course, I didn't do it without talking it through with my parents. And surprisingly, they're being really supportive about it. Actually, let me rephrase that--my mom is being really supportive about it. She knows I intend on going back...and as long as she knows that and she believes in me, then that's all that matters to me for now. It's enough to keep my head up.

Now that I'm back home, I take my mom's thoughts and her say more into consideration, because she does the same for me now. I see it and I appreciate it and I think twice before bullshitting her, you know? But as for my dad, he can stay as far and distant all he wants. No change from him towards me. No change from me towards him...

*sigh* I had to let all this out. I feel better now...I'm confident that I'm doing what's best for me. And I know that once I go back to school next semester, that confidence will have grown and I'll be right where I should be in my life.

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